Facebook Sharing thoughts statuses

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"Dad, I`m hungry." "Hi, Hungry. I`m Dad." "Dad, I`m serious." "I thought you were Hungry?" "Are you kidding me?" "Nope, I`m Dad."

Spread love everywhere you go: Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier !

Dear iTunes, please realize that when I put you on "shuffle" I mean "play all of my favorite songs". Sincerely, skip... skip... skip...

Student: "Can I go to the bathroom?" Teacher: "No!" Student: "I`M ON MY PERIOD!!!!!!" Teacher: "...but your a boy...

*FIRE ALARM* Teacher: "Okay children, stay in your seats just for a minute." Student: "Just gonna stand there and watch me burn.."

A dog thinks: These people feed me, pet me, love me, they must be God. A cat thinks: These people feed me, pet me, love me, I must be a God.

_____________/\__________\o/__________ swim little man, swim faster

"You ask." "No, you ask!" "Will you please ask?" "Why can`t you ask?" "Fine... Hey my FRIEND wants to ask you something!"

That awkward moment when you`re with someone you JUST met. "So..you like..uh, stuff?"

That awkward moment when you get home from school and look at yourself in the mirror thinking `did I really look like this all day?`

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up

I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.

How To Be A Hero tip: When destroying the enemy be sure to kill all the criminals in reverse order of importance before confronting the kingpin himself.

is wondering who was the first to look at a cow and think: “I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!”

I must be wishing on someone else`s star because it seems someone else is always getting what I wished for.

I sleep better naked...why can`t the flight attendant understand this?

thinks nothing is better than pooing at work...you`re getting paid to poo!

A GPS is only good if you can remember where you wanted to go in the first place.

What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake? "Must be an earthquake."

A mathematician`s favorite place in New York City? Times Square.

My bank lets me send a text message and it`ll text back with my balance. ..It`s a cool feature but I didn`t think the `LOL` was necessary.