I Am Missing You So Much More Terribly

My love,

I am unsure of why you were so very angry with me this morning - the deep reason, not just the one you stated. You refused to let me explain that I was only curious over the reaction, I had. HAD is the key here, honey. I tried to tell you I was over it. And you continued not to listen, only to "yell" at me and show anger. I'm sorry for not understanding more quickly that you wanted to not speak of it AT ALL, I'm sorry for hurting you!

I changed the subject for you and stopped, yet I felt I was not being regarded and I could not understand why anger seemed to continue. I am sorry I left, but I could not BEAR the anger. Since you needed to leave soon anyway and I could not get you to calm down, I figured I should leave and give you some space.

Forgive me for leaving so abruptly. It hurt so much, I panicked! I cannot take easily your anger; I am not strong enough for that yet. I need much more loving, some togetherness, and knowing your ways to take it. I am so new to this. There is much about you yet I have to learn.

We promised each other to talk it out and I was trying - An anger I do not understand, and one you will not explain to me the reason for, is not communication. We need to talk out our anger, frustrations, and perplexities so they will go away. You asked of me a long time ago, what makes me angry, what things would bother me the most. I am sorry I did not ask the same of you. What is it I can do to prevent this from happening again, for I cannot stand having you this unhappy with me.

I love you, and I am missing you so much more terribly than I have ever before. I cannot live without your love for long. I would rather die loving you than to live without you.

I wish we could start today over.

yours,
AJ